Archive for February, 2012


I have been doing what I’ve been calling “soul work” now for a couple of months and I am noticing results in my life.  I believe I have finally been able to come to a point where the brick walls and blockages are being removed that have prevented me from moving forward with my desire to create a passionate, deeply fulfilling life, the life I’ve always wanted and the life I truly deserve.

I’ve continued my reading and have been casually applying the principle of the Law of Attraction the past week.  The first couple of times it has been “The Test” to see if it actually works:  one day I asked for something from Starbucks to come to me and a co-worker brought back a tea for me (okay, I asked her to go but keep in mind I asked for the tea to come TO me, NOT be free!).  On another day I asked The Universe for a free coffee … and a co-worker’s husband brought coffee for the entire staff, free of charge.  I asked for something wonderful and I experienced an interesting and helpful webinar that evening.  I went to a book sale today and asked The Universe to give me the books I need and I got several that were directly related to information I’ve been studying but knew nothing of their existence until today.  As I was walking along the  tables it was like these books went “Pick me, pick ME!” or something! LOL  I asked for a good outing today and the miserable rain let up, I got new-to-me gloves to replace the pair where I lost one of them as well as some new clothes and for lunch I had to wait a bit longer as my order was wrong so they gave me extra food on my order to make up for it (enough for my lunch AND my supper tonight).  I’m excited that all these good things have been happening once I learned to say Please and Thank You to my Universal Power.

But is this really something new for me?

I considered this question during my day today and I was reminded that this was not always so for I recalled as a child I had an instinctual understanding and ability to tap into this power at times, something that happened through my adult life at brief moments.  As a child I would play cribbage with my dad and thought I could ask for the cards I needed to win the hand and they often seemed to appear (give me all the 5s please!).  Later in my life I was at the SPCA with my mom to pick out a new cat as we had had to have one of ours put down due to ill-health and we knew our older cat was pining herself sick for the company.  I remember going into the cat area and saying to myself that the right cat will come to me.  A tiny kitten climbed up the side of the group cage and started screaming at me, trying to get my attention.  My mom wanted a different cat.  Staff said I didn’t want that one as she was incorrigible and would be a problem.  I insisted on taking her home.  At home I discovered she was in a poor state of health and after a lot of care she recovered and has lived a happy life (even if she doesn’t always appear to appreciate it, the ungrateful beast she can be sometimes) and I learned later that my vet had said she had a 10% chance of survival.  I knew I was meant to take her home as it saved her life — she either would have died from her condition or have been put down at the shelter.  All because I asked for the one who was meant for me.

Throughout life I have also always had a strong desire to have the ability to tap into my spiritual and intuitive abilities.  I’ve felt that they were there but never was able to make them work.  I am a strongly empathetic and compassionate person, sometimes I can almost feel someone’s emotional pain as deeply as my own which then amplifies my own pain.  As I went through a time in my life of being weighed down with my own emotional pain I suppose I shut myself off from those potential aspects of my deeper self as a way to protect myself, never realizing that by working with them that I could heal myself from within.  Some of the therapies I have been doing and learning about are really fitting in with that desire and need.  I have always had a strong desire to grow towards holistic therapies and other augmentative medical therapies to fit in with my career and interest in medical science.  I believe that when done correctly, all these therapies can work in conjunction to fulfill a complete and rounded approach to treating an individual’s mind, body and soul.  When this is done we each can achieve our full potential and encourage others to reach theirs and maybe then we can elevate our purpose for being on Earth.

I have been to a psychic and energy reader and had my numerology and tarot done twice and it was an interesting experience.  I occasionally read my horoscope and enjoy doing personality questionnaires to understand myself in a different way.  I’ve had reflexology done, meet often with my chiropractor and am a keen advocate of massage therapy (honestly, who isn’t when it feels soooooo good?!).  I’ve been treated by a hypnotherapist and am exploring the uses of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, a type of accupressure with affirmations), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Chakra clearing, meditation, education, and good old-fashioned exercise at the gym and outdoors.  I must be doing something right as I feel quite a lot clearer mentally, in better control emotionally and a lot wiser in my thinking.  I’ve considered the advice of the trusted friends I talk with frequently who give me guidance and their valued perspective when needed.  I know that I have a long way to go but I am very satisfied to finally be making some demonstrable progress on this for the first time in my life.  Something had blocked me for many years to begin to make these changes and I’m so glad that those blocks are gone.

Does this mean I’m going to chuck it all in and become a crackpot with a glass ball and offering to tell you your fortune?  Not likely. LOL  Does this mean I’m convinced I have a deep potential and an important purpose in this life?  You bet!  And I aim to find out what it is, how to get there and how to share the benefits with those who need it.

I’m so incredibly grateful to every wise person I’ve known and continue to know (for everyone who has shared themselves with me is a wise person) and am grateful to the Universal Power for all that I am now receiving and all that I will receive in the future.

I made further progress lately on my Stage 2.  In this part I will be opening myself to opportunities provided by volunteering my time.  One of the processes has taken longer than I expected and has been complicated with setbacks which has been frustrating for me.  I initiated another process today after procrastinating about it for several weeks.  Today felt like the right time as well as my finally having the time and opportunity to follow up on it.  I hope there will be a third in the summer although I’ve been frustrated at not receiving a response from the organization I’ve contacted several times with respect to my desire to become involved.

I have also been reading with my typical voracious appetite on a variety of topics, one leading to another.  I’ve been thrilled to absorb all this information and expand my knowledge with new information.  I’ve taken a webinar, watched several documentaries and shared various aspects with trusted friends who have proved to be a most valuable sounding board for discussion.  I feel I am well on my way to achieving a new potential within my life.

The Law of Attraction

Ever notice how when you need a new fridge all you see are new fridges?  Until then you wouldn’t have noticed if a fridge landed on you but once you had in your mind that requirement in your life it seemed like you were surrounded by the danged things.

Have you ever noticed noticing?  But not understanding why this happens and thinking it’s a fluke?

I have and I’m beginning to understand why that is.  I’ve been reading a lot of material lately in my effort to learn more about creating a better life and one thing that keeps coming up is what is known as the Law of Attraction.  Each book I’ve read has somehow lead me to another book with the same concept even though it didn’t appear so in the beginning.  I have recently read The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown which documented the author’s journey to do as I have been doing.  I didn’t realize it when I picked up the book how much it would be about that journey and the similarities as I expected it to be something rather different.  Then I picked up a book of fiction — Half Moon Street by Anne Perry, a Victorian murder mystery — which spent the majority of the story dealing with censorship and suppression of self to please what others demand of you.  I never expected it to be about that at all as I was expecting a good old fashioned murder mystery!  Then I picked up a book I had on my shelf for a few months, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.  I had seen it around before and knew a few years ago it was a big deal but never had any idea what it was about.  But I picked it up and read it and learned more about what I’ve discovered is the Law of Attraction.  And I was just going through my pile of books to pick out my next book and, you guessed it, put my hands on a book called Law of Attraction by Michael J. Losier.

One concept that kept coming up in the books I’ve read about people’s journeys to finding their better, more fulfilling life is that of having what they need next suddenly and miraculously appear.  Both Brene Brown and Rhonda Byrne document this in their books:  the next piece of material that they needed would come just when they needed it.  And Byrne explains why:  she put out a request to the Universe and it provided.  And this was a Hello! moment for me because a friend always tells me the very same thing, “The Universe will provide.”  And we already know this for how often do we say almost tongue in cheek: “Ask and ye shall receive”?

I realized I had already known this truth but I never knew the truth of the concept.  I never knew it was concrete and real, I thought it was one of those one-off things.  Like a kid who thinks they are the only one in the world to experiences something so they must be weird.  But when you receive confirmation that this is real and not just a one-off thing then you can learn to accept it and then learn how to use it.

I’ve always looked at books as the best example of this law for me.  Books are how I learn things and when I’m learning something I somehow seem to get the next book I need when I need it.  I sometimes sit and look at a pile of books and think about what I want and sometimes my hands will go unerringly to the book I need.  And sometimes it’s like it picks up right after the last book left off even when the authors are different or the topic is different but the information I’m receiving is continuing.  Now that I understand a little better how to use this law then I can learn to apply it to other areas of life.

Lately I have considered why it is that people have to go through journeys learning and re-learning what has already been learned over thousands of years.  Shouldn’t our species have evolved to the point of going beyond this “reinventing of the wheel” every time a human is born?  Why aren’t we born with this evolved instinct so we can take it to the next level?  Hasn’t every thought already been thought already?  I don’t know the answer.  But maybe by refining these philosophical concepts through many minds we can discard what doesn’t work, put our own take on what does work and help them evolve.  Our job is to filter and put our own individual stamp on things.  This is our legacy that we leave for others.  Our responsibility is to make it the best we can, to discard the negative and unhelpful and to promote the positive.

And BELIEVE that The Universe will provide.

Stage 2 progress

There has been some excellent progress on Stage 2 of my journey to self fulfillment and improvement.  Yayyyy me!

This week I had my last hypnotherapy session … for now.  I can see myself revisiting this again some time in the future to further hone certain areas and conquer other issues.  But as my therapist reminded me, I got rid of a LOT of baggage over the past few weeks and I should be pleased with that progress.  And I am.  Over the five sessions I finally have been able to face my issues with my father and get that proverbial monkey off my back.  I’ve worked towards undoing the damage done in my past which I had been continuing to do myself ever since then.  I’ve learned to let go of someone I hated and of someone I loved.  I began to tap into my inner wisdom at last.  I feel that I’m no longer required to please people, I no longer force myself to entertain and make people laugh and be happy when inwardly I felt so completely empty and alone.  I no longer need to excessively demonstrate my love for people in the hopes of receiving a small fraction of that in return, hug people because I really want to be hugged but no one hugs me.  And that is because I’ve learned how to love the most important person in my life:  me.

I will still have fun and entertain and make people laugh, demonstrate my love and hug because I can and because I want to.  But I’m not so empty inside anymore.  And that makes all the difference, I think.

I spoke with my depression coach yesterday and she was very excited that I had made such an improvement over when I started the coaching program before Christmas.  I had fallen off the radar with the program being busy with a side project and with the holidays.  I relapsed badly over the holidays but managed to bounce back thanks to the help of friends and my therapy.  I have one more session of that and then I’ll be finished that program as well.

I can also credit my improvement to the reading I’ve been doing as well.  I’ve noticed that I am in a very receptive state where I want to read, read, read anything and everything I can that will help me.  I often get in these states but they are self-limiting: once I am saturated then I stop.  I wonder if my therapy sessions have helped me get to this state and I hope that means it will last a while as I don’t want to stop yet.  I have a lot I want to learn and it brings me such joy and pleasure to be doing this.

I often found after a session that I would feel well personally, fine physically and mentally outside of work but at work I felt a struggle the next day.  However after this last session I felt fine mentally both at home and at work but sleepy.  I came home the next evening and fell asleep reading a novel and had an adequate sleep that night as well.  I think it means that my body has recognized that it’s tiring doing all this good work and I’ve learned to give in to the body’s need for physical rest.  I don’t need the status symbol of being rest-deprived, to power through and go, go, go all the time.  When I’m tired I choose to rest and relax because my body and/or mind needs and wants it.  And that’s okay.

I have some further energy clearing exercises to do.  I don’t know if they will work or to the extent I believe in them, however I want to give them a try.  Maybe they will work — anecdotal evidence supports it — and maybe they won’t but at least I will know afterwards.  I’ve been searching for years for something that fits in a spiritual way.  Organized religion is not it, the vibe even turns me away from it.  Some aspects of the so-called “New Age” stuff is also beyond my requirements.  But the search for inner wisdom and peace and sharing this knowledge with others seems to fit me very well.  I am finally able to codify, if you will, my own take on spirituality in a way that fits and works for me.  It’s my job to embrace this and allow it to take me where it may.  And to never stop learning.

The Education of Laury

This weekend I have been reading a variety of materials and watching interesting documentaries all focusing on my quest for the knowledge to improve myself.  Tonight I feel a sense of joy and inner light as I contemplate on what I have read and understood.

Yesterday I went on a Book Expedition to Chapters and we spent several enjoyable hours roaming the aisles, pouncing on our prey.  As always, I hunt first at the discount tables and was excited to snare a few (hopefully!) interesting tomes there.  I inwardly thrill at finding something of interest on discount!  I had some broad interests in mind and know I needed to stick to them in case I lost all control and got everything I wanted.  I wanted to learn about interpersonal communication, ecology, the power of the mind, the body and zombies.  And get some fiction in there as well for lighter reading.  And I successfully found materials to help me and successfully avoided buying the entire store.

I have been reading an interesting novel by Anne Perry called Half-Moon Street which devotes much more time to examining the issues of public censorship, morals and women’s rights than solving the mystery at this point in the book, however it has proven to be valuable and interesting reading.  It has allowed me to think and consider on these issues while being entertained at the same time.  I’ve always promoted the reading of fiction as a means to educate oneself: fictionalization of events allows an author to explore issues with realism and gain a voice that other means may not fully appreciate.  Often for me reading a work of fiction based on historical experiences prompts me to read more about the actual facts.  It’s a great introduction to a topic one might otherwise be uninterested in if approaching it in the usual manner.

I am also reading the powerful The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown which has really opened my mind to finding the deeply satisfying life that I seek.  It’s helping me to change my misconceptions and create better alternatives.  It is deeply meaningful to me.

Tonight I watched a three part documentary on Carl Jung (http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/the-wisdom-of-the-dream/) which showed the wisdom and knowledge he had obtained in his work and emphasized his need for times of deep contemplation on this knowledge.  I appreciated and connected immediately with this need for as I educate myself now I embrace my need for reflection and meditation on the concepts and ideas I am experiencing.  My weekends lately are usually spent reading or thinking on my own.  Today I spent some time going for a long walk, taking the fresh air and exploring a local trail while mulling over certain things.  Other times this weekend I decided to simply curl up on my sofa and meditate until I relaxed enough for sleep or to simply pull my Snuggie over my head and remember what it was like to do that in childhood.

I am feeling more intellectually stimulated and I am very contented with that experience.  Right now I’m not feeling empty inside by not having that intellectual stimulation from another person but inwardly joyous that the felling comes from within.  My bouncing of ideas comes in writing this blog and I feel a deeper understanding by doing this as well as noticing that my writing style has evolved and grown since doing so.

And what I’m doing must be working as my friend told me last night that whatever it is that I do she has noticed that I am happier these days.  I think it’s a happiness from within that I’m finally discovering and bit by bit exposing it to the sunlight of day instead of burying it in the darkness.

I am the first one to admit that as someone who has no children of my own that maybe I’m not the best one to comment on parenting skills of others, however as a child I feel I can be justified in commenting nonetheless.  It’s possible that my opinions might be different had I been blessed with the opportunity to have my own children but that is something I may never know.

This week the video of a father shooting his daughter’s laptop went viral around the Internet (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7mcyD3IdTY) with much applause by parents it seems.  I, for one, do not share that approval of this man’s actions.

His daughter posted a rant on her Facebook about how she felt she was being treated.  He responds with an angry video in which he shoots her computer with his gun and tells her she is overprivileged and lazy and will have to pay him for the computer, software and the bullets he used.  The message he wants to give is that he worked hard in his life to get where he is and now she is going to have to work hard to get what she wants.  But what is the REAL message he is sending?

The messages he has sent with this video are several:

1.  He feels his daughter is overindulged and has a sense of entitlement.  How did she get that way?  It’s unlikely she woke up one day with this attitude.  No, it is the result of the parenting she received in her life.  She has a cell phone, and iPod, a laptop and it sounds like several other gadgets.  She has no job and they didn’t materialize out of the blue so she got them somehow instead of working to earn them.  She received the rewards BEFORE and NOW he wants her to learn to work for them.  Seems backwards.

2.  She expressed her feelings and he silenced her voice.  Yes, she didn’t do it in the right way but remember she’s 15 and still needs guidance.  Dad has sent the message that when you express yourself someone will exert their power in a violent way to repress you if they don’t like what you say.  He has also showed her that her “safe place” to express herself is no longer her safe place.

3.  Dad has blamed her for being that which he has created through his parenting.  If there is something wrong with a 15-year-old then look to the people responsible for raising and molding the individual and not the result.  When faced with a vicious dog we are more likely to look to the training by the owner than believing that the dog is inherently bad.  So why would we perceive our children as anything different?  Because then we would have to take the responsibility upon ourselves, which is something this dad is not willing to do.

4.  By destroying something that had value and is now garbage, he has shown that instead of turning it into a good thing and giving it to someone less fortunate who would value it more than his daughter, when you’re pissed off you can just destroy the object.  This was just an outlet for his anger, again another poor lesson for his child.

Instead of sitting down with his daughter and finding out why she felt this way and felt the need to vent the way she did and finding out how best to solve the deeper issues involved, dad merely reinforced negative messages to his child.  This was not an enlightened and adult way to teach a child a lesson.  Nothing positive can come out of this, just fear and more anger and resentment.  Dad should have controlled his anger and made a positive example out of this issue.  This will be a lesson that the daughter won’t forget but is it worth the damage that it will cause?  Dad had better hope so.  I hope next time he thinks about the messages he is giving out before he allows his anger issues to take over and further inflame a situation.  Violence never solves an interpersonal issue but understanding does.

Therefore this is why I give this dad an Epic Fail for his actions.  And so should everyone.

On what’s “decent”

Discussion has arrisen in one of my Facebook groups about the cancellation of the Naughty But Nice Show at the Tradex: http://www.theprovince.com/news/Taboo+Naughty+Nice+show+shelved+Abbotsford+opposition/6135000/story.html

My response was thus:
A small portion of the population has the ability to make a decision for the rest of the population.  Of course, the vast majority didn’t even know this was happening.  This is good news in a way for people trying to effect positive change …for if this group can get its way then by rights any group can achieve the same success.  This part of the message is that of hope for the activist.
The rest of the message is that closed minded, judgmental, puritanical, paternalistic attitudes are still okay today.  People seem to be unwilling to see the correlation between this attitude and the “moral degredation” that they so despise.  Repression of the natural human needs, wants and desires leads to unhappiness, depression, addiction and crime, not public shows such as this one.  The morally outraged are usually the most repressed and unhappy individuals out there.
And of course one simple connection is forgotten as well:  the pro-family person has to remember that parents are sexual beings and promoting romance and a healthy sex life leads to babies which makes a FAMILY! 😉
To illustrate my point, from a novel I am reading, set in Victorian times where the characters are debating the merits of a play (which was permitted in a public place by authorties instead of being censored) which explores the so-called “modern ideas” of women’s independence, pursuit of happiness, rejection of being who society wants you to be instead of who you really are:
 -What is it you would like to be protected from?
 -From the corruption of decency, from the steady destruction of our way of life by the praising of immorality and selfishness.  The teaching of young and impressionable people that self-indelgence is acceptable, even good.  The exhibiting in public of emotions and practices which should remain private.  It cheapens and demeans that which should be sacred.
-Is self-denial better than self-indulgence?  But is not one person’s self-denial only the reverse side, the permission, if you like, for another’s self-indulgence?
-Do you think (the play) should be suppressed?
-It subverts decency and family life.
-It questions values.  Must we never do that?  Then how can we grow?  We shall never learn anything or improve upon anything.  Worse than that, we shall never understand other people, and perhaps not ourselves either.  If we do that we are hardly worth the nobility of being human, of having intelligence, freedom of will, or the power of judgment.
-It’s the matter of how they are questioned.
-The image that has the power to disturb is the only one that has the power to change.  Growth is often painful, but to not grow is to begin to die.
-I am sure there are values which are eternal.
-Of course there are.  It is a matter of understanding them, and that is more difficult.  One must test the truth often, or it will become polluted by ignorance and misuse.  It’s like the dusting in a good household.  It has to be done everyday.
It’s a shame that this show has been prevented from happening.  This has set back our society’s growth, learning and understanding to a time we have worked hard and struggled harder against.  THAT is what is indecent and shameful, not the opportunity to learn and share.

Washing my head

A friend of mine has told me that when I start thinking “dumb” it’s time for him to give my head a wash.  He has a delightful way of being (in)offensively blunt, my “wake up call” when I need it.  I’m used to being that for others and it’s good to have someone do that for me.

I struggled this week with some strong emotions and trying to reconcile them.  I find I feel more enlightened and centered personally after a therapy session but in contrast I feel disconnected and discomforted at work.  I’m not sure if it’s because I feel I need to spend more time doing my soul work and everyday employment work is getting in the way and therefore I’m inwardly resentful of this or if it’s because at work I need to apply those lessons I’m learning and it’s a struggle because I’ve not quite solved them within yet and I am not ready to apply them.  But that’s my perfectionist side creeping in as well.

This week was about shame and worthiness arising from the book I’m reading.  My therapy dealt with other issues which are obviously working themselves in the background.  I found myself feeling shamed at work and feeling unworthy by my lack of success in romance.  It’s not a coincidence that Valentine’s Day is coming up either.

I’ve never had a romantic Valentine’s Day with a sweetheart making the effort to show me how much I mean.  My one Valentine’s Day with a partner was so unmemorable that all I do recall is receiving a cheap fake rose instead of something more meaningful.  Perhaps there was more but I don’t remember, maybe a pair of earrings too, come to think of it.  Maybe I’m being uncharitable.  I wish I had a partner everyday but it would be nice to be remembered along with everyone else on the same day every year.  I wish I had someone to make that effort for me.

Yesterday I talked for a while with my bestie about things as she is the person I trust with my deepest and darkest.  She understands, empathizes, listens, advises and cares.  I’m frustrated that I cannot seem to find a single person who wants to make the effort for me, to get to know me, share fun experiences with, have an intimate relationship with.  I’ve yet to meet a man in my dating adventures who is willing to make any effort, some aren’t even willing to make the effort to show for a date:  I’ve been stood up as often as I’ve successfully met people.  The ones who I do meet often fail to follow up.  I never seem to get beyond a second date with anyone.  So my friend reinforced what I already inwardly knew:  this was not meant to be, these are not the people you’re meant to be with and be thankful because you don’t know what dangers the future might hold if you’re with the wrong people! Intellectually I know that but emotionally it feels like just another round of rejection and unworthiness.

So what do I keep doing wrong?  Another friend answered that question in the most simple and elegant of ways:  Simple, you keep doing the same thing.  Whoaaaaaa…

What do I keep doing wrong?  I listen to people’s advice about what to do:  be patient, good things will come; you have to put yourself out there and be noticed, no one will find you cooped up in your apartment; change your “vibe” to attract goodness; don’t change who you are to please others, etc.  All good advice and all so contradictory!  I was told maybe I have to cross off some expectations from my list of wants in a partner.  I thought that at this rate the only qualifications on that list are single, male and still breathing … and I’m not willing to compromise on the “still breathing” part!!!  I was also told I seem to want a friend and companion rather than needing a lover and this is true.  I realized that what I want is an intimate connection with someone, a fullfilling relationship with another person intellectually and spiritually and emotionally and yet with physical affection that I crave (note that intimacy and physical affection do not mean the same thing as sex).  I’m not finding it where I’m looking now so I clearly need to look elsewhere.  I’ve had interpersonal relationships where I get the intellectualism or the spirituality or even just the sex but have yet to find someone capable and willing to give me all I want.  But what I want now is to fulfill that life-long unsatisfied need for intimate connection and loving affection, it’s been a gaping hole in my life and it is something that can only come from making that connection with another human.  All the self-love in the world cannot fulfill that emptiness but I need to find out that if I do finally fulfill that need then I can finally live a wholehearted life.  I cannot give what I don’t know about from my own experience.  Someone needs to teach me and share that experience with me.  THAT is what I need.

 

Self-Confidence

As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent. The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it’s likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions—you rarely regret things you’ve done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.
Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it’s very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.

Family Orientation

As someone who is oriented to familial matters, you value the company of family-members and domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent. If you don’t have children, you very much desire having children in the future. And your preference for cooking and entertaining guests at home will likely ease the transition into parenthood.
You take pride in maintaining and cultivating a healthy family and work hard to achieve this. This natural tendency is easily illustrated by your preference for doing things around the house as opposed to going out to clubs and restaurants.
What really sets you apart from people that are low in family orientation is that you know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you are well-equipped to manage a family without letting all the work that is involved wear you down. However, as someone with strong family values, all the work that is involved in maintaining a tidy home and well-stocked kitchen might occasionally make it difficult for you to finish everything that you need to do.

Self-Control

The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.
As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.
Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.

Openness

As someone high in openness, you have a strong appreciation for beauty, both in art and nature. Indeed, it’s likely that you are easily absorbed in music and art, as well as natural phenomena. Another aspect of your openness is your emotional insight; that is, you probably have good access to and awareness of your own emotions.
Another aspect of the openness dimension is the tendency to think about abstract concepts and ideas. This thinking style may take the form of artistic and metaphorical use of language, and/or music composition or performance. Thus, it is likely that, either in your work or spare time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing.
Your tendency to be open-minded can have advantages and disadvantages. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easier for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. In contrast, you may be bored easily in situations that lack high amounts of intellectual stimulation. In such cases, you might have difficulty excelling on projects that do not provide much stimulation or require much creative thinking.

Easygoingness

Easygoingness refers to one’s ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to “take things as they come” and enjoy having a good time. However, being high in easygoingness also has the potential to produce stress in a number of ways. For example, you may find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently. In this way, being high in easygoingness cannot only make your life difficult, but also the lives of the people around you. Another potential problem with being too high in easygoingness is that it can provide you with gratification in the short-term, but in the long-term provide undesirable consequences.
High easygoingness, even when not seriously destructive, may also diminish your effectiveness at work, for example. You may find it aversive and difficult to put in all the effort that may sometimes be needed to effectively accomplish certain tasks. For this reason, your colleagues might view you as forgetful and unfocused.

How does your personality affect your love life?

With the strong degree of self-confidence that you possess, it’s no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner.
Given how much you value family life, you probably get along best with people who share your values and beliefs. In fact, it’s likely that you maintain close connections with members of your immediate and distant family. For this reason, you would probably be most satisfied in a romantic relationship with someone who also values domestic life.
Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it’s likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who also enjoys spending time at home and desires starting a family. On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club.
As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you likely get along with most people quite well. Chances are that your friends and colleagues perceive you as lively, fun to be with, and good-humored. When it comes to romance, you’ll likely be attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling.
Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, your openness might make it difficult for you to tolerate people that cannot appreciate diversity as much as you. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share your open-mindedness. But, your openness might occasionally cause a certain degree of dependency on your end because you may be so open that you easily adopt the preferences and habits of your partners and gradually relinquish things that make you so unique.

 

I wish…

…I never cried another tear again. I wish I didn’t long so much for what I don’t have. I wish I would be content with what I have. I wish I didn’t know what I was missing. I wish God or the gods or a higher power would erase it all from my brain. I wish I never hear again the well-meant words that what I desire is just around the next corner when I’ve been going around the corners for years and it’s never there; in fact it’s always empty around the next corner. I wish I’d stop hoping that it will happen soon. I wish I could just leave it all behind me and serve a higher purpose.

I wish wishes were real.