Tonight I have had an amazing experience of spiritual awakening and enlightenment.   I went to the library to collect a book on hold and was drawn to the section on religion after having watched the documentary on the observation of silence.  I picked a couple of books on Christian meditation and was making my way out when I went down the large print aisle and by happenstance found a book by Abbots Christopher Jamison, the monk who presented the documentary I had just watched!  The book is Finding Happiness: Monastic Steps for Everyday Life.  I’ve been reading the introductory chapters while laying on the sofa this evening and began to truly understand the path to inner happiness and fulfillment in life.  I’ve often thought that this much wisdom should be found in Eastern philosophies and religions and sometimes struggled with connecting fully with these concepts as presented in these books.  But today reading this book on a Western philosophy and tradition I finally made those connections, much to my great joy.  I found myself filled with gratitude to the point of tears and then was filled with gut-busting laughter at the realization that I am just like everyone else and everyone else is just like me.  I finally found a sense of belonging, that I am not an outsider or outcast as I have felt myself to be my entire life.  I discovered that I am normal, I have normal, human thoughts and feelings and understanding when I read of the struggles of Abbot Christopher with adjusting to his life’s path as a Benedictine monk.  I understood that the path to wisdom is individualistic and common amongst all humans.  We all have the capability to get there, it’s merely our level of desire and committment to the cause that determines if we ever will.

My eyes and mind have been opened in surprising yet reassuring ways today.  I feel more clarity and understanding.  I’ve been told that I spend too much time analyzing things, however I do not have the kind of mind that can blindly accept on faith; I need to understand before I can put my belief into something.  I analyze in order to understand.  And through analysis I often have to experience a number of conflicting emotions, however this is a crucial part to understanding and my growth.

I find in the evenings and on the weekends when I have no plans that I spend a lot of my time in reflection and pursuit of knowledge anyway, so it is natural that I have devoted such energies to this part of my life.  I feel as though a number of large walls have come down for me over the past few months and I feel this is due in large part to my decision to pursue the hypnotherapy.  I am much more open to new ideas and am much more resolved to finally address my issues and make a lasting cure for them.  I’ve been criticized for breaking off that dear friendship of mine and for “avoiding” enlightenment, however I believe that it is rather a case where I had to remove a distraction in order to FIND my enlightenment.  That friendship was standing in the way of my growth in the direction I needed to go so I had to make a decision for my personal good.  I’ve been criticized as well for suggesting that perhaps the Bible can be seen as a book of life wisdom, a book of advice from the ages, words of experience and have been told that it is outdated and has no place in today’s world.  I’ve yet to read the book, however I prefer to look at is as still relevant for good advice stands the test of time.

Someone told me recently that I have quite quickly achieved a higher spiritual plane than I had previously had which is a testament that I must be doing something right after all.  Yay me!