Today I spent an hour and a half chatting with a local pastor about spiritual guidance.  It was wonderful to sit with someone and hear their point of view and what their religion can offer in that journey.  And it was helpful to be able to express what it is I feel I am seeking to someone who has experience in this from their own point of view as well as that of assisting others to find what they seek as well.  And I was reminded that basically Rome wasn’t built in a day so I can’t expect to not only undo a lifetime of unhappiness, recreate it and create a new life of happiness in a few months.  This is the journey of a lifetime which will take a lifetime to experience.  But I have committed to make that journey in whatever form it may take and THAT is the important thing!

I’m not seeking a religion to protect me nor am I trying to shoe-horn myself into any religion in this process.  I am seeking ways that resonate with me on my discovery of a oneness with God.  I accept that I will take bits and pieces of many religious thoughts and practices to make my own version of communion with my Higher Power and I believe that God will accept and appreciate my efforts.  I am unique so why shouldn’t my dialog be unique as well?  God made me the way I am so I know He will accept and celebrate my offering just as every mother does of their child’s offerings of love.  God has created me with strengths and lesser strengths and outright weaknesses for many reasons, this is all a part of His plan for me and the world.

I feel that the search I’ve made through life for a loving male figure and my anger, hurt and disappointment at never having found that to the degree I desire is really a metaphor for the loving figure of my Higher Power.  I am hopeful that once I have begun that connection I will receive the fulfillment that I feel I am missing and then I will be able to finally have wonderfully loving relationships with males in my life.  I’m blessed to have more male friends in my life and the platonic love of friendship is rewarding as well.

My constant prayer to God is to guide me on the path He has chosen for me, to grant me patience and acceptance, trust and faith and to show me the wisdom I seek, to allow me to be a gift to others, to allow me to love and be loved and to feel His presence with me always.